"That's my secret Cap, I'm always angry."

And an even longer time since my last effort at rebooting (7 years, really?). Florida is somewhere far behind us and things worked out okay after a fair degree of effort (particularly from Gary Singer, staff and partners), but I still miss our old place. Jan's and mine children are all grown and in various stages of their adult lives, recognizable and unrecognizable.

My folks are still around, but age has encroached upon their forthright independence (which was also further enabled by both good fortune, good health and good finances). Now none is enough to reverse the receding tide and, hopefully, some choices will be made this week to best preserve functional independence for both of them to the largest extent possible. And I, alias Night2night, look back at the relationships, the places I went to which would never result in a materially successful life, the houses, the loses, the renovations, the different jobs done and skills learnt though practice and necessity, and realize I never really wanted that standard successful thing; the 3/4 acre luxury estate, the picket fence, the local girl, the single community where we all knew each other, complemented each other on how swell we look and took week long vacations in distant places staying in places that looked like upscale versions of home.

So I've been on a different journey. I truly love some of the things I've had the opportunity to do, and sometimes just the opportunity to contribute and participate in enterprises and goals bigger than me, even when the endings were not capable of justifying a social media profile which claimed, "everything was the greatest". If they always had been, I suspect I wouldn't be capable of doing some of the things I've done over the last few years, and wouldn't have had the understanding you can't step up to the edge of the stage and pull a rabbit out of a hat every time. I tell my team, experience simply means you've had a chance to fuck it up. The only real setback is quitting.

I think Jan and I are going to move (again, LOL), because we'd like a little larger place with some better aesthetics (it's all temporary) and we've been in this temporary place for 5 years. I think within two years we should be back in a place of our own (maybe?) and I think, at least as far as our adventures and travels have taken us, I can think of worse places then southern Cal to retire in (and who knows, maybe this "black sheep" was always intended to wander in the far pastures for as long as I could and as long as it makes sense for the security of my pack). I think it's also time to finish some long abandoned studies and finish some graduate work in applied statistics (I need the larger tool set to do those things I'm working on).

I like a movie clip from "The Avengers" which kind of squares up with this view (not that I'm a real fan of super hero movies, but I love this particular line). Dr. Bruce Banner, who due a freak accident becomes "the Hulk" when angry (at least in the MCU), reluctantly returns to join the Avengers when an alien threat arises. Although Banner initially struggles to maintain his composure following the accident to prevent his transformation, in this scene we realize Banner has accepted who he is and realizes the capability his "accident" has wrought in him can make those emotional triggers and his transformation useful under the right conditions. I may not be an angry superhero, but some experiences which changed me I'm not going to forget and that's OK because they've brought me to this place and stand today and they're of some use under the right conditions.