And spring rains will come . . .

Years ago, when first certifying for my Red Cross lifeguard certification, I had to get in the water with the adult water safety instructor at the St. Joseph HS swimming pool. The idea was to basically stay in the water with him and get him to the side while he tried to hold you under water. The end result was a staged scenario holding your lifeguard certification (and summer employment) hostage to some type of WWF reenactment in 10 feet of water. I got through it (although I did see one gal burst into tears outside the pool room door waiting for her turn to "recertify"). The event was really the first time I realized there were some fights I wasn't going to win, but how I accorded myself was as important as the final score (this or something like it was what was coming to me as I struggled to hang on to consciousness underneath "John?" who probably outweighed me by close to 75 pounds at that time). Of course shortly after that I took up judo at the YMCA to at least improve my odds in some circumstances.

A month ago after walking through my financial records in Quicken for the umpteenth time, I suggested to J we start paying mortgage payments with money we actually had as a way of acknowledging we have been burning money faster than we've been making it ever since the job at J&J concluded over two years ago and encouraging our two mortgage servicers (ALS and BoA) to modify our mortgages (sometimes the cash in my wallet was the only cash we had available until the next payday). The reality is the house we bought in September 2005 has lost about 40% of its purchase price value and we can't afford to capitalize the entire loss and deal with a loss of 40-50K in annual compensation. Frankly, in the worst case scenario, I can't imagine foreclosure would be any more costly to us in real dollar terms (principally destruction of our credit rating and it's recovery over the next seven years) than the presently unsubsidized loss we're looking at due to the decrease in house value. So here we are again and I'm just hanging on with the understanding I'm in a really nasty fight with some very real consequences.

Both banks are in conversation and appear to be encouraging, but I've been in the water with heavier, more experienced opponents before, so I'm not under any illusions. Meanwhile, Moses continues his slow decline with my understanding the lymphoma will eventually spread to his vital organs and we'll have to end his suffering (or better stated, conclude it when it really starts to affect him). Other diversions; I've learned turbochargers cannot be separated from an inline 6 and expect the engine will behave (labyrinth seal failure, hand cleaning of the thin lumen oil risers to the turbocharger, cleaning out the oil sump and replacement of the turbocharger will cost us about $1700 and I simply can't replace the car right now), and J's father had a series of MI's this past week (J is in Phoenix tonight with her sisters helping to coordinate her Dad's care and explain the treatment options and their implications).

Not really much to say with all of this except sometimes you have to take your opponent to the mat and give your best. We've done that before and suspect we'll have to do it again (although I sometimes wonder if I will always believe we can pull the rabbit out of the hat).

Nice things: we've completed all financing arrangements for the boys' schooling over the next year and we're far enough into this that I believe both boys will complete their undergraduate educations with a minimal amount of debt. J and I finally got the opportunity to have dinner out in celebration of our 25th anniversary and her 50th birthday. It's ironic, but even with all the challenges, we're in better shape as a couple and happier with each other than we’ve been in years. I’ll miss not sharing a bed with her over the next few nights.